“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…” – Anonymous
We are a military family and for tonight and many to follow, my husband, their daddy, *our* hero is 7,000 miles from home. While we are blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends and neighbors, our families are spread throughout the country. So many of our important relationships are long-distance. Through the years we’ve learned to find the joy in our nomadic lifestyle, and yet we’ve wrestled with ways to keep our kids close with far-away family members and friends.
Photo courtesy of Deb Schwedhelm
So how do we do it? What keeps the kids going day after day when the person (and people) they love the most can’t hold them close? Besides our unwavering faith in God that carries us through the longing, the missing and the sometimes unshakable sadness of separation, we’ve adopted ideas from others to help remind us of the ones we love. Maybe your loved one is only gone for a few days or weeks. Maybe you want to foster a closer relationship between your children and a long-distance relative. Our ideas certainly aren’t ground breaking, but they are helping us day by day.
Worth a thousand words
This is an obvious one (at least for my photographer self). Before a separation, we always take time to plan a special photo shoot to remind us of how much we love each other. And, we try to capture a current picture of each child with special relatives each time we visit them. Placing the photos on display and in kid-friendly photo albums they can keep in their rooms is a huge hit. I am always amazed at how much they love reminiscing over them. Even my 1-year-old enjoys these.
3-2-1 Countdown
We created a magnetic countdown calendar that marks the seven months daddy will be deployed and highlighted milestones in each month (birthdays, trips, special dates). We are always counting down toward small milestones that move us closer to homecoming. Your countdown doesn’t need to be as long for it to be appreciated. Kids love marking off days as they pass. Friends have used variations of a calendar – a countdown candy jar or paper chain links.
Photo courtesy of Deb Schwedhelm
You’ve Got Mail
Another obvious one — we are so grateful for e-mail. While my husband is stationed on an aircraft carrier, it’s our only form of communication — Skype and phone calls aren’t an option. I allow my four-year-old to speak freely and just type as he talks without prompting, creating his own letters to daddy. He also likes to add a few “words” at the end of each email. Reading back over these makes my heart swell because of the authenticity of them. His father treasures them — and we also write to their grandparents this way. Even when we do have access to online video conferencing, there’s something special about incorporating the written word into our communication. Try surprising a spouse or grandparent with a letter from your child. They’ll adore it, even if they are nearby.
Lights. Camera. Action.
One of the best things we have done is record daddy reading bedtime books and telling stories. We created these before he deployed. Each night before bed, my children watch a bedtime story by daddy. I can’t begin to tell you how much this has helped my 1-year-old whose memory might be more fleeting of his sweet father. My 4-year-old will watch them over and over again. I’ve placed them on their computer so they can see daddy whenever they need to. He also emails short video messages from the ship. These are tiny treasures they adore. Next up is recording their grandparents. We’ll enjoy these for years to come.
Snail mail
Care packages are important too. The kids send treasures they’ve collected and I send their artwork and photos. Small nuances of the day-to-day that might even be tossed at home mean a lot across the miles. Our grandparents love to receive artwork, scribbles and doodles that would otherwise be discarded too.
Where in the world?
We hang a world map on my son’s wall that shows where we live — and tracks where daddy is. He also likes to see where his grandparents, cousins, etc. live too.
Open and honest conversation
We always talk about daddy, how much he means to us and how much we miss him. I encourage the kids to share their feelings, and often they do. We are open about how long he will be gone and don’t sugarcoat how tough the separation is. This means tears — but laughter too as we reminisce — and lots, and lots of prayers.
These are just some of the small projects we’ve implemented that make a big difference in my toddler and preschoooler’s lives as they wait for their daddy to return. What do you do to foster closeness with long-distance relatives? Do you have a long-distance story or bit of humor to share? We’d love for you to post your ideas in the comments section or on your blogs.
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