(image by Shalina)
We’ve given Marta this week off from her usual (and fab) Friday Finds. She’ll be back next week with some rockin’ handmade goods so stay tuned!
Thea’s article this week has had me thinking, the 5th birthday of my first born is rapidly approaching and I find myself taken back in time to that chilly afternoon. The anticipation of his birth was exciting and scary. The anticipation of what came after the birth is another story.
The baby books we get during pregnancy can be both fun and daunting. So many experts will tell you to do this, not to do that. We have these tiny babies and think that the toddler and preschool ages are so far off, only to wake up one day and realize that little one who once nestled in your belly (or awaiting adoption!) is now a walking, talking, person. I struggled so much those first few years with worries over my parenting choices. My mom’s mom’s mom did it this way, yet the mother at playgroup wouldn’t be caught dead doing that with her baby. There is book bashing, expert bashing, and general other-mom-bashing going on and it can be down right scary!
It took about three years for me to realize that even if I agreed with a bashed book, or perhaps didn’t do what my mom’s mom’s mom did that I really was an okay parent. At the end of the day, I have happy and healthy kids. I’m seeing now as I take our son to preschool, there are so many different backgrounds coming into that tiny classroom. Children raised on Babywise, some from Attachment Parenting, Dr Sears, the Ferber method, the list can go on. When they are in that classroom they aren’t speaking of such, they aren’t judging one another on their parent’s choices when they were tiny – why should we?
I’m certainly no expert in the area, but after nearly five years of raising these two boys I know that the world could use more acceptance and encouragement. Being a new mom can be a beautiful and scary thing. Advice is thrown at you from all directions. Take it with a smile, do your own research and simply do what works best for your family.
Okay now I’m stepping off my soap box ; ) I’m curious, can we brain storm some ways to show kindness and acceptance in our own little groups? How can we love each other without judgment?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Angie: This is a beautiful and important post. I also struggled with intense overwhelm and self-doubt in the first few years of my first baby’s life. (I’m now pregnant with #3) Extreme views and philosophies held by some made me feel inadequate and overly worried that I was going to get it wrong and somehow hurt my little one (moreso emotionally than anything) if I didn’t respond perfectly to every situation every time. It can really be paralyzing for a new mom.
I can’t agree with you more that what we need to offer each other is less strict views on what to do and lots more acceptance, gentleness, and reassurance that parenting is a process, you try something you believe you want to do and see if it is a good fit (for the baby AND for you) if it isn’t you try something else. There are no hard and fast rules and you’ll even parent each child a bit differently because they are different. I think more mothers would thrive and flourish if given more unconditional love and support!
“Love. love, love makes people happy”…you knew I would break out in song!!! LOL! Seriously, just listening to one another… allowing each other to VENT. I so desire a “Mommy Group, ” especially for those of us that have preschoolers AND preteens. YIKES! Some days the hormones are wild and crazy. However, at the end of the day I just want them to know they are truly LOVED!!! Thanks for an awesome post!
I hate the mommy wars! I’ve learned that, rather than spout advice, tell a friend, “Hey, if you ever want to talk about breastfeeding, let me know and I’ll give you my perspective.” Breastfeeeding could be replaced with things like cosleeping, labor, etc., but the bottom line is to not give unsolicited advice. It does more harm than good.
Love it! EXACTLY what I needed to read today! I so struggle with trying to keep up with my perfect family that I get tired!
One of the most pivotal days in a mother’s life is when she musters up the courage to become her own parenting expert. Sounds like you’ve done just that, Ang, and how good it is to encourage others to do the same…
Jamie
What a wonderful post!!! I have 2 children, ages 31 and 38, and over 35 years in education. You wrote exactly the most important things I learned in all those years. The best thing you can do is remember there is no right or wrong way to parent; there is no perfect way to parent; and the three most important principles are 1) love your child unconditionally 2) enjoy your child every day (time goes by so fast) and 3)be consistent. I envy each of you who still have that unique joy of raising your child to adulthood.
Great post Ang! I hear Thea on the preschoolers and preteens, these are crazy stages all on their own and to have them both at the same time is a little overwhelming at times! Having four children of my own from the ages of 16 to 2 the one thing I’ve learned is that parenting is difficult and it’s okay of you do it differently than I do, heck I even parent each child a little differently, no one thing is going to work for every family or every child for that matter. Lets all work on building each other up rather than tearing each other down, you never know, you may learn something from someone you least expected! After all we all have the same goal in the end and there are many different roads to getting there. In the words of the Beatles … “All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.” (now try to get that song out of your head!) ;) ~drea