Today’s guest post comes from the supremely talented Aileen Reilly. It is a story of rediscovering the artist within, and the lessons that she learned to bring her to a most beautiful place in her life. I hope that her words and images touch your heart like they touched mine.
I‘m a photographer.
I’m 42.
I don’t have time to waste trying to be someone else in my photography.
I need to be me.
So, who am I?
Somewhere along the road through law school, employment, dating, marriage, and motherhood, I lost myself.
It was a slow process or else certainly I would have noticed. Instead, I woke up one morning (and then many mornings after that) and wondered how I had gotten to this place. Don’t get me wrong, my place is a pretty fine place. Single family home in the ‘burbs, dedicated hard-working husband, four lovely children, and one adorable dog.
And yet, I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and wonder, “who is she?” Eventually I realized that I had turned into a conglomeration of all the people I thought everyone needed and wanted me to be. Smart, educated career woman. Check. Stay-at-home-mom. Check. Fifties housewife. Check. PTA mom. Done. And yet… Yep, and yet. I didn’t recognize this person in the mirror; she outwardly looked like me (showing more age than I’d like); but, she didn’t feel like me.
The “me” in me had gotten lost along the way in life.
It’s taken me a long time to get back to who I am. This is how I did it. And if you are feeling anything like you’ve lost yourself, maybe some of my words will help you just a little bit.
The first thing I did was throw out my perceptions of roles that I thought I needed to play. With that garbage bag, I also threw out what I perceived others’ expectations of me to be. The only thing you can truly control is yourself, so I got rid of what I thought other people wanted from me. Maybe they did want those things, and maybe they didn’t. Maybe they did want me to be the fifties housewife, but I wasn’t comfortable in the housedress. The only thing I wanted to know was how to be me, not how to be some preconceived role.
I decided just to be, whatever that meant at any given time, without trying to be who I thought someone wanted me to be.
The second thing I did was stop trying to make other people happy. That doesn’t mean i don’t want happy people around me. Quite the opposite. However, I no longer participate in emotional games. Thanks, but no thanks. Life is too short for those games. The only person and response you can truly control is you. Make that one a happy one. I truly believe that what you put out into the universe comes back to you tenfold. Your thoughts have so much power in your life. Give them positive power.
Lastly, I started to articulate what I like, what I enjoy, what my preferences are. Novel concept I know. But let me tell you, this is the hardest thing for me to do. When you’ve lost touch with who you are exactly, it’s hard to say what that person likes. I started slowly, in a journal, until I got comfortable with recognizing me on the pages.
And what I found is that the more i found me, the more ME there was to be found.
(I also did crazy things like stop coloring my hair and cutting it all off. BUT, I was metaphorically returning to my roots as those coverings disappeared. Now I am my natural shiny silver which is cut into the cutest pixie.)
(I also took other equally important steps such as bring God and prayer into the forefront of my life, put positive people and influences around me, and got rid of as many of the negatives as I could.)
So, what does this all have to do with photography you wonder?!
Take a look around.
Until you put the YOU in your photography, you will look just like the photographers to your left and to your right and behind you and in front of you. The ONLY thing that will distinguish you is YOU ~ your heart, your vision, your preferences, your style of shooting ~ YOU.
And until you know all those things, they cannot possibly magically just show up in your photography. Certainly, you can use your photography as a means to explore those things (and i wholeheartedly recommend it), but until you know who YOU are, your photography won’t know either.
I have traveled full circle. And I am back to me. I am comfortable in my skin. I like the woman I see in the mirror. I am confident. I am capable. And I am a better person for the journey.
There is a huge wide world in front of each of us. Possibilities abound. Dream big. But bring yourself to the water’s edge. Not someone else, and not someone you think the water wants to see or expects to see. The universe wants YOU in all your glory. Don’t deny the world your gifts by not fully bringing forth your authentic self.
Aileen Reilly is a photographer of people, all shapes and sizes, all points in life. She loves to tell stories and has taken her background as a former prosecutor and merged her love of words with her love of photography. She started shooting in film many years ago, switched to digital about 4 years ago, and now is getting back to her roots in film. She is located outside Washington, DC in Northern Virginia.
Blog: http://www.aileenreilly.com/blog
Portfolio: http://www.aileenreilly.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Aileen-Reilly-Photography/265274280584
Twitter: @areillyphotog
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