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Jan 2010

Real Friendship

January 6, 2010 By 30 Comments
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Over Thanksgiving dinner a conversation started about Twitter. The main gist of which wasn’t favorable. It started out harmless enough (I kept out of it considering I’m a Twitter fan) but got pretty intensely negative, albeit in a half joking tone. Ten minutes into it my 12-year-old daughter leaned over to me and asked under her breath, Are they making fun of you Mom? They weren’t but I couldn’t help but feel totally misunderstood.

That same week my husband, while flipping the channels, landed on a Dr. Phil episode where Dr. Phil insisted that internet relationships weren’t real relationships. I understood for the most part the point of the show and that he wasn’t talking to me, or about me or about my online relationships specifically but I still chose not to watch it.

I spend a lot of time online. Probably too much time, I’ll admit. But, that aside, I will stand firm in defending the kinds of connections and relationships that I have made on the web over the last few years. Blogging has been the catalyst that created and continues to create a circle of people that I deeply care about in my life. I have dear, cherished friends that I would have never even met if it weren’t for the internet. And I know that many of you reading can say the same. These are friends that I look forward to reaching out to everyday (via Twitter or Facbook) and friends that I cannot wait to see at BlogHer (or Mom 2.0 or the Alt Summit) and friends that I now talk to on the phone and plan gatherings with because I value their friendship THAT much.

It’s real; this thing we do online everyday. And it cultivates the kinds of real relationships that have made my life that much more rich and complete.

As for the people that don’t understand it, don’t believe it, or won’t support it, well, that’s just their loss. As for me? I’ll just keep enjoying and celebrating it…this authentic and real thing we’ve got going on here. Care to join me?

About TraceyClark


Tracey is a photographer, writer, mom and an all-around idea girl. She loves natural light, low-tide and her Lensbaby Super-Wide. You can find her on her personal blog or over at Shutter Sisters, where is not only the founder but a regular contributor.

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  • http://www.everydayheartbeats.com Chris

    Tracey, I’m with you all the way on this girlfriend. I agree with you…I’ve made many real and true friendships that have even gone outside of the blog world, yours being one of them!I’ve enjoyed (and will continue to enjoy!) our friendship…a friendship that would have never happened had I not met you on the world wide web.

  • http://www.allthingsheartandhome.com Robin~All Things Heart and Home

    Love this! I\\\’ve been involved in those types of conversations concerning Twitter. If you aren\\\’t experiencing the connections, I suppose it looks silly. But I\\\’ve made some amazing friends through my blog and it\\\’s been great to keep up with them on twitter and facebook.
    I love the way you put this…great post.
    Robin
    All Things Heart and Home

  • http://www.thebonafidelife.com Chele

    AMEN! I am with you on all of that! The exact way I feel. People don’t understand but you are right it is their loss! Ang has been one of those that I thank God for everyday and I have not even met her face to face yet. Amazing the friendships you find blogging! I will be linking to this on my blog, later today… something I want the world to see! :)

  • http://www.lucyslocket.com alyson

    Completely, I have found a whole new level of friendship since finding forums and blogs and now have a circle of friends who have crossed the divide into real life too and I wouldnt have met them anyother way so I think its a magical thing. There have been a few fruit cakes along the way but no more than in real life!

  • http://koons-family.blogspot.com Jennifer

    Couldn’t agree with you more! I have made so many wonderful friendships….many of them are better friends than the friends I have in real life. Those that don’t understand and want to make fun.. well they are just the ones missing out.

  • http://www.overcomingbusy.com Marci@OvercomingBusy

    Before I started blogging, I was really skeptical that real relationships could be born online. Now, I have friends that I have never spoken to face to face, but we have lots in common and understand each other, even more so than lots of my friends I see all the time. I can totally see how people don’t understand until they experience it for themselves.

  • http://www.angiewarrenphotography.com Angie

    See, I knew I’d love this article :)

    I have a big handful of friends IRL that not only don’t quite understand the relationships built online, but also choose not to respect it. Definitely a tough pill to swallow in conversation. However, only I know, deep down inside, how truly special the connections are that I’ve made since starting this blog, since my photography business has grown, since the various parenting forums I’ve been on…

    I can’t begin to describe what they have meant to me; calling me, texting, chatting online and even having met a few in person (and many more to come this spring!). I am thankful daily for the special people that have been brought to my life.

    Lovely and much needed article, thanks bunches.

  • http://www.tishamccuiston.com tisha

    Had to laugh. Totally understand. I have a large group of IRL friends as well. It is always funny to tell them I went to lunch with this friend or that one that I met online. The jaws are normally are on the floor and it follows by a fast \"is that safe?\".

    I realized last week at lunch with my girlfriends that I met everyone of them off of the internet and only 2 of us were from my actual state. If not for the internet we surely would never have met. Yet these gals are just as important to me as friends I have made \"the old fashioned way\" :-)
    Great article!

  • http://www.katherinecenter.com Katherine Center

    You’re totally right!
    The thing is, in the real world, it takes forever to find the right people. Years of sorting and sifting and going to coffee. And that’s fine. But online, you can cut right to it–bypass shyness and kid shenanigans and busy-ness and just talk about what you really want to talk about. Whatever that is.
    So grateful for the way the web lets us do that!

  • Melanie

    I really like this! I feel like a have a group of friends right on here! You guys have shared some really personal things, and in turn we have shared right back with you. I think you guys are amazing people and you make me want to be amazing. So I am here to tell you, I am sticking with all of you on TCM! Hope you guys don’t mind!

  • http://www.parismillerphoto.com Tammy

    I really like this too & agree with Melanie. I feel like I have a group of online friends especially here at TCM, that I would never have “met” otherwise. Everyone here shares so much of themselves that you really feel like you know them. Some people don’t get it, but it is definitely their loss. I enjoy coming here to read everyone’s stories and comments & I’m glad to have all my internet friends! Thanks for the post Tracey!

  • Peggy

    While I’m not a twitter person I do think it’s neat. I however love the people I’ve met through the internet. While I have to meet any of the people I “know” I don’t think I would meet such widely diverse group of people otherwise. I live in a rural area. Closest mall is 30 miles away.

    And the people I’ve gotten ideas and advice from on Blogs is extraordinary. I feel that I am meeting with friends even if I don’t get to actually see them face to face.

  • http://marcywrites.com The Glamorous Life Association

    We love you too.

    If you read my blog, you will know more about me than years of casual real-life conversations. I would argue that my internet friends are of a much higher quality than any I know in flesh and blood. Actually I wrote this years ago…

    http://marcywrites.com/2008/07/for-the-love-of-fabfs-and-bloggers/

  • http://www.betweenloadsoflaundry.com/ mikki roo

    Totally agree with you! And sometimes the hard issues we face in real life need to be taken to an audience that is unprejudiced… and that\’s where our blog readers, forum buddies, etc really shine! I have *real life* friends but my *cyber* friends are just as real! :)

  • http://www.bellawish.com stacy

    I could not agree with your more, Tracey. I have friends who keep calling friends I have met through my blog my \\"blog friends\\" as if they are in a different category. And I suppose in some ways they are…. I would say they are soul friends. People I would never have met had it not been for the internet who I love dearly and deeply.

    Love that you wrote this.

  • http://blackbirdsandbumblebees.blogspot.com/ Susan Najarian

    I have been selling my art online for almost a year and I have been twittering and blogging for about 5 months. I have found a wonderful network of like-minded people who are supportive, creative and very inspirational. I never would have “met” these great friends if it hadn’t been though the internet. I think it is often human nature to fear (criticize) new things because these new things change the world as we know it and it is harder to adapt as we age.

    And as for Dr. Phil – I do believe he has had his “15 minutes of fame.”

  • http://www.stacytarlowphotography.com/blog stacy t

    not a twitter person because i don’t get it but love to FB. and i love my internet friends – some i’ve met, some i hope to meet…but i love them. they keep me sane in this insane world.

  • http://jaimeflemingphotography.yolasite.com Jaime Fleming

    thank you for this…you so eloquently said many of the things i feel about online friendships. i can honestly say that there are many more friends from online forums that i trust and enjoy than real life friends. i have a very small select few in real life that i even enjoy being around, but thanks to the internet and all the wonderful social venues, i have more friends than a girl could ask for! anytime day or night, there is ALWAYS someone online to support me when i need a smiling face and a listening ear. i will definitely be linking today’s entry on my FB for my friends to read. excellent! thank you!

  • http://launavalentephotography.com Launa

    I totally agree! I have met so many wonderful people “online”. People I wouldn’t have otherwise met….across the country and even abroad. It really is the amazing thing about the “world wide web”! Technology is amazing! I value my “online” friendships and feel blessed to have them!! Hopefully someday I will meet more of them in person, but for now, this is the second best thing!!

  • http://www.parismillerphoto.com Carla

    Well I don’t know who your friends are Tracey but they clearly have not experienced what we all have experienced here or anywhere else online. I agree with everyone who has commented, it’s their loss and if they choose to complain about it then they have just wasted that time of being happy or positive to someone else. Keep doing your thing girl! :) Thanks for sharing today.

  • http://miaduebambini.blogspot.com/ Cara

    This is so true. I have friends from all over this country and other countries that I would never had connected with if it were not for the internet. I may have not ever met them face to face yet but I have a real friendship with them. I have been inspired by so many of them and love knowing about them and their families. My husband use to say they were not my real friends but after 3 years and still keeping in touch and blogging he has come to realize that they really are my “real” friends.

  • http://leackerman.blogspot.com Laura Ackerman

    Tracey, So much of what you said really resonates with me. I have resurrected, made and maintained many friendships online, especially in the past year. I would argue (with those who criticize online friendships) that the written word is so much more beautiful than the spoken word and takes friendship to a much deeper level. There is a certain level of comfort that, when communicating through writing allows one to open up, share honestly and pour out that which is deep within our hearts. Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.clynstudio.blogspot.com cherylyn

    Tracey – thank you for this post and I totally agree. I\\\’m so thankful for my online relationships.

  • http://ordinaryinspirations.wordpress.com Thea

    Honestly, I am finding that I am getting much MORE encouragement and support from you my online friends, in recent months, than the IRL ones. It has been an amazing opportunity to “meet” you all and be part of a community of incredible women!

    Hugs and kisses!!!!

  • http://suzannemhoenig.com Suzanne

    I so agree with you. I’m glad I found this link on Twitter (of course) from @SoulfulParent (that may be you?). I feel the same way and have stumbled into and around the same conversations. I’m just waiting for the inevitable and obvious research studies that show that online relationships produce the same neurochemicals in the same amounts as in-person acquaintanceships and as pets. Also, I’d bet money that a little bit of dopamine goes shooting across my brain waves every time I get an @reply and a RT. Thanks for this!

  • http://passthecereal.blogspot.com/ heather

    I love what you’ve written…totally agree!! I don’t know how you can’t see the benefit of support and friendship wherever it may come from. And online I have found friends with similar backgrounds (for example fellow adoptive moms), similar interests, and similar struggles (and senses of humor). I also find Twitter to be a great way to keep in touch with my IRL friends that I don’t see every day…it’s a win-win!

  • http://www.momsdailyretreat.com Amelia

    I think it is interesting that “experts” feel compelled to define what a true relationship is, as if relationships can be standardized and placed neatly into the category of real or not real and then apply those rules across the board. It hardly takes into account individuals, their interactions with others, the ability to communicate, their emotional intelligence etc etc. Anyway, great post- well said!
    Amelia

  • http://www.getschooledblog.com courtney

    i met my best friend online through a crafting site. we talked on the phone all the time and when her and her husband wanted to move – i begged her to check out my town, now we live 10 minutes from each other. online friendships are REAL! ok i think i stomped my foot a little like a 3 year old :) LOL

    you are so right – those who don’t believe or laugh and mock it are missing out.

    blessings and happy thursday.

    courtney

  • http://Freetolearnanlovinit.blogspot.com Rana

    I agree it has been great having a blog and meeting people and families like my family. Family’s dealing with the same situation I deal with that do not live in my community. I know that if I have a question it will get answered by friends that have gone through the same situation or can lead me to someone that can help. This blog is one of those examples. Thank you for sharing this today!

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