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Aug 2010

Watching and Learning

August 30, 2010 By 19 Comments
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I see her often.  She breezes out her parent’s house across the street.  Sometimes her hair is hastily pulled back, workout clothes on.  Other days wearing a fashionable little skirt, her hair carefully blown out.  She hops into her old, beat-up turquoise Subaru and zooms off.  Or sometimes greets her boyfriend with a little smile and steps into his car.  I watch her with envy.

It is not her freedom that I covet (okay, I do covet it, but that is an entirely different topic).  It is her confidence.  She is a high school graduate, an honor student, enjoying her summer before heading off to university.  I remember that time – the world just opening up before you and the excitement of it.  But most all, the feeling that you were finally an adult, an accomplished young woman.  A woman about to embark on adventures and achievements.

Watching her this summer has made me realize how much I miss that excitement and confidence in meeting the world head on.  My life has been sorely lacking in adventure, at least ones of my choosing; and my achievements have been the quiet kind – ones you may not recognize until your children are grown.  Some how in this middle part of my life, it seems I’ve lost that self-assured young woman I was when I ventured off to college in Philadelphia.  Perhaps it is the way motherhood redefines our identity; perhaps it is an eroding of self-confidence.  But I no longer see that ravenous young woman, ready to eat the world for lunch in myself.  And so I peek out my window, and keep watching her … with envy.

But autumn is around the corner; the school year begins for us tomorrow.  I always felt this time of year was a new beginning, a fresh start.  I may not have a new backpack or pencil box, but I think it is time to relive that excitement, and rediscover (or uncover?) that confidence.  I will commit myself to learning something new, to give myself an adventure, and to impact my world with my achievements.

For me that road will likely involve my camera, my computer and hopefully lots of new faces.  How will you invite a little excitement and confidence back into your life this new school year?

About Amy


Amy is a bit of a jack-of-all-trades. A photography course in high school sent her to college with a journalism degree in mind, but some surprises along the way led to a career in veterinary medicine. Motherhood has brought things full circle, and now she is concentrating on her photography, finding her creative self and expressing the joys in life which she shares on her blog, Life in Eden.

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  • Pingback: Envy « Life in Eden

  • http://boutellefamilyzoo.blogspot.com Tricia

    I really loved this post. I will need to think about what I will do to add some adventure to my life. Although I suspect that it too will involve my camera, my computer, and lots of new faces. Although perhaps in a different way than yours.

    Thanks for sharing, and good luck to you as you “venture out”.

  • http://www.twistphotography.ca Jessica

    I’m always amazed when I read these CM posts and it’s like my thoughts are being read. Wonderful post, thank you for sharing!

  • Tammy Waida

    I’m so glad I found this website. It makes me not feel so alone. Now that my kids are back in preschool, I was thinking of taking Kelly Willette’s class. My camera and computer are MY kind of adventure too!

  • http://www.katesonlinespace.blogspot.com kate

    Blogging has been my new hobby since I became a mom. I love the freedom of expression it gives me, while providing me with interesting online company. I am proud of the life I led prior to motherhood and and look at each day as a chance to learn something new!

  • http://oliviacraig.blogspot.com Olivia

    This made me cry. As a 31 year old mother of three little ones, I have been experiencing these exact same feelings but have been unable to express them. Thanks for the this post. It is encouraging to know that other moms feel this way some times, no matter how much we are devoted to our kiddos. While today’s grand accomplishments will only be cleaning out closets, I feel big things on the horizon. :)

  • http://www.MarissaNicolePhotography.com Marissa Nicole

    great article, thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.ilovenotcamping.blogspot.com jessica

    one of my favorite CM posts to date…loved how you put my thoughts into words!

  • Connie Z.

    I can relate. I’m having those mid-30′s thoughts about expectations I had for my life. and covet the college age. but then I remember how little I understood then, how self-absorbed and insecure I was. and I think getting a little older is kinda nice.

  • Connie Z.

    I can relate. I’m having those mid-30′s thoughts about expectations I had for my life. and i can covet the college age.

    but then I remember how little I understood then, how self-absorbed and insecure I constantly was. (i’m only sometimes that way now) and I think getting a little older is kinda nice.

  • http://erincobb.com/thepigbear erin cobb

    I remember being that young girl. And I, too, miss her. Thank you for the beautiful reminder of who we are all intended to be.

  • http://www.lchdesignstore.com leah

    great post—i can relate to this…..
    :)

  • melinda

    Amazing, I have been feeling this same way as well. I have a daugther just starting preschool and an infant at home with me and some days I feel like I have lost myself. A lot of times I don’t know who I am anymore. Glad to hear I am not alone.

  • http://www.rimarama.com Rima

    Oh yes! I’m picking up what you’re laying down. I always feel that way in the fall, too, even though my life hasn’t changed much in the past few (childbearing) years. And I, too, have decided to do something different this year. I’m going balls out and sending things I’ve written out for publication. Yeah! Go me! And go you, too :)

  • Dana

    I sooo can relate! Thank you for posting, hopefully we find the adventure we are looking for!

  • ashley

    Thank you for this honest post…I have started feeling this way myself in the last 3 months (I’m a first time mom of a 9 month old). It’s so comforting to hear that I’m not alone with these feelings. Thank you!

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  • http://emilyrosenbaum.com Emily

    I know that envy. I feel it so often — not because of their physical beauty, but because they are feeling such professional promise as they go off to their top-notch schools.

  • http://www.momshots.com Jessica

    I loved this post so much! I really needed to read it today, of all days. I can so relate. I am the mother of 4 beautiful kids, 6 1/2 and under. It is wonderful and I wouldn’t trade it for the world but it sometimes wears on me. Today is one of those days. I needed to read this. Thank you